a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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