He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
