Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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