I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
