I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
