Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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