my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
