Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
