How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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