There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
