Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
