I met the friendliest cop last night
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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