he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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