My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
