so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
