I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
