Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize