This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
