How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
