I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Randomize