You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
