I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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