She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
