the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
