Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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