you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
