My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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