the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
