What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Im part way to drunk.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
