i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
nutella sex= disaster
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
