The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
