4 words: hood of his car
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
