Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Soap is not a condiment
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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