i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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