His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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