I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
accomplished twins. life is a go
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
