I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
