Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
