And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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