Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
