That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
