It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Houston, we have a squirter
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
