Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
