exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
