She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
