so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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