We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
NoShamevember. You game?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
