Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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