two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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