If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
