I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
