Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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