at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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