It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
