someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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