i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
