He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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