How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
