He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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