Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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