Don't you send me to vm
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
