New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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