i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
