thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
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A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
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I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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